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The key to excellent relationships with others is
quite simple: MAKE THEM FEEL IMPORTANT. These simple rules can be your gateway
to having a great relationship with those around you, whether they are clients,
co-workers, family or friends.
1. Accept people
the way they are
: One of the deepest cravings of human nature is to be
accepted by other people without judgment, evaluation, or criticism. Because
most people are judgmental and critical, to be unconditionally accepted by
another person raises that person’s self-esteem, reinforces his or her
self-image, and makes that person feel happy about him or herself. When you
look at other people and give them a genuine smile, they feel happier about
themselves. Their self-esteem goes up. They feel more valuable and important.
2. Show your
appreciation for others
: Whenever you appreciate another person for
anything that he or she has done or said, you raise that person’s self-esteem
and make him or her feel more important. Expressions of appreciation – from
small nods and smiles all the way through to cards, letters, and gifts – raise
people’s self-esteem and cause them to like themselves more. As a result, by
the law of indirect effort, they will like you more as well.
3. Be agreeable.
The most welcomed people in every situation are those who are generally
agreeable and positive with others. On the other hand, argumentative people who
question and complain a lot are seldom welcomed anywhere. When you nod, smile
and agree with another person when he or she is talking or expressing an
opinion, you make that person feel intelligent, respected, valuable and
4. Show your
: People usually invest a lot of personal emotion in their
possessions, traits, and accomplishments. When you admire something belonging
to another person, it makes him fell happy about himself. Express your
admiration for people’s appearance and specific items of their clothing or
dress. Men are specially complimented when you say something nice about their
ties or shoes. Women enjoy being complimented about their appearance. You can
also compliment a person’s traits or characteristics, by saying things like
“You are certainly persistent”.
5. Pay attention to
: Perhaps the most powerful way to raise another person’s
self-esteem is to listen to him or her attentively. The key to great listening
is for you to ask question and then hang on every word of the answer. When the
person slows down or come to the end of a statement, ask another question. When
people are attentively listened to, their brain releases endorphins. As a
result, they feel happy about themselves. Their self-esteem goes up.
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6. If you have
nothing nice to say, say nothing.
Never do or say anything that lowers a
person’s self-esteem or makes him feels less important or valuable. Refuse to
gossip or discuss other people in a negative way. Never say anything about a
person that you would not say to his face. The most powerful force in all human
relationships is destructive criticism. It lowers a person’s self-esteem, makes
him/her feel angry and defensive, and cause him/her to dislike the source. So
never complain about people or situations that you do not like.
7. Be courteous,
concerned, and considerate of everyone you meet
: Think of this as “the
three Cs” and practice them with everyone you meet. When you treat a person
with courtesy and respect, he or she feels more valuable and important. As a
result of making a person feel more valuable and respected, that person will in
turn value and respect you even more as well.
When you express concern about things that are
happening in a person’s life, he/she warms up to you and likes you more. When a
person has a difficult situation and you express your concern or compassion,
you touch the person’s heart. You connect with his/her emotions. Through this,
you make yourself a more likable person.
Consideration is the third of the Cs. When you
practice consideration, you discipline yourself to do and say things to people
that makes them feel valuable and important.
By Gabriel Odang


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